Different

One of the most difficult portions of this journey has been watching how it affects our girls.

  It is so easy to get wrapped up in how small my own world has become that sometimes it's difficult to see that everything has changed for them too.

 

 

  MG is an old soul.  You would never expect a seven year old to have the level of insight or depth of feeling that she possesses.  The problem is that she is also very introspective which makes it extremely difficult to know what's going on in that little head of hers until she comes to the point that she can no longer cope, then...she explodes.  After three back to back nights of dealing with atypical behavior my momma senses finally tuned into the fact that something was up.  One night can be chalked up to lack of sleep.  Two nights?  Maybe she doesn't feel well.  But three spells trouble for our little bit. 

 

While the hubs took AF for a walk MG crawled up to into our bed and just bawled.  I stroked her hair as the words came out in a jumbled mess. Her thoughts, her fears, her insecurities...  This child of mine thrives on routine and as everything around her changed she was struggling to feel "normal."  Even school couldn't act as a respite as I am no longer able to be there either.  (I teach at the academy she attends, so mornings?  They were our time.)  I just let her cry as she spoke about how different EVERYTHING was and cried with her when she talked about her new little sister.  In our effort to shield her from some of the "what if's" we had crippled her.  If she didn't have the facts she would make up her own.  How did I miss this? 

 

Finally, the tears started to slow and her breathing eased.  She curled up next to me and I just held on.  She needed me and I needed her.  This precious girl that we fought so hard for.  This little blondie that made me a mom.  This child that is transforming into a young lady before my very eyes.  We laughed as we talked about ways to spend time together despite the circumstances.  Never could I have imagined the way that the conversation would end but the next day we started "The Penderwicks."  We were determined to still go on adventures...even if we never left the room.